P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
