Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
