I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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