Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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