I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She bit a glass in half.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
