Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
