The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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