I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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