Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
