you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
