dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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