like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
