There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
