no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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