I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
