How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
