Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
