it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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