So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
a search helicopter?!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize