So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
