i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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