You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
