He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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