So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
