I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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