the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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