just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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