I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
