apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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