i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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