Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
