if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need to sanitize my soul.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
