I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
