Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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