i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
