So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
