apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
