I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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