two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
