My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize