my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
