Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
