I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
