i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize