separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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