To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
