shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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