oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
