Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
