One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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