it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Green mimosas i think yes
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
