I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
