are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
