Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize