Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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