I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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