no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My ass is underappreciated
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
