dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
