i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
