I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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