Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
