We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize