So drunk its hurt
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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