i just google imaged poop.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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