I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
