Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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