i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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