Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
