So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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