You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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